As I plunge into the dark depths of middle age, I've begun waking up periodically throughout the night. Sometimes it's aggressively irritating and other times I just go with it, listening to the sounds of my bedroom, the whir of my menopause fan (affectionately known as Pausey) and the roar of the bear, I mean husband, snoring next to me. Last night was one of those nights where I just went with it and let my thoughts go where they wanted, but where they went was kind of weird. I started thinking about how vulnerable we are when we surrender to sleep with another person lurking, I mean sleeping, right next to us. What is more trusting than to lie down next to someone and say, "Okey dokey, I'm going to be unconscious for the next eight hours so don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
You can live with someone for fifty years, but you don't really know what kind of sociopathic thoughts they may have bouncing around inside them. A smart psycho isn't going to tell you they are a crazed killer, they're going to hide it! But because all of us must have sleep we make assumptions based on our partner's past behavior. For example, I haven't awoken to find my husband standing over me with death in his eyes therefore I have no reason to expect him to go Clockwork Orange on me while I slumber. (fingers crossed)
So based on our assumptions and some amount of insanity/stupidity we trust each other with our lives every night. Every night my husband has complete trust that I won't be pushed over the edge by his nocturnal rumblings and rise up to plunge a butcher knife him while he dreams of double IPAs. That is some serious trust cause his snoring is ridiculous.
I, in turn, trust he will not slit my gut open to let my entrails slide out onto the floor where our dumb dog will eat them faster than you can say, "dropped bacon." I trust him despite the many reasons he may have for midnight revenge- I forgot his fish oil pills (again), I hit the garage with the car (again), I let the kids drink the last of his chocolate milk (again), the list goes on and on!
Yet, we sleep next to each other, not peacefully because he sometimes sounds like he is swallowing a cactus and I haven't had a solid night's sleep since I gave birth to the sleep-takers (aka my children), but respectfully trusting each other not to take a life. Now, if that isn't a solid marriage, I don't know what is.
And that's what I thought about last night.